The Silent Battles

That I am a woman . I am conflicted whether I should feel happy about it or sad about it .

Incidentally , my growing up years were bereft of  such ambiguities regarding my sex . I was completely oblivious to such banalities . Now I realize that was all thanks to my parents who consciously chose to not impose on me the traditional roles that society expects of one sans “the dick” . They let me blossom in a very natural way , as a boy would in  any other household , giving wings to my ambitions , facilitating my growth as a person . And how I took it for granted .

The realization that I am a woman& therefore my life has to be vastly different , dawned on me only in the last couple of years of my life . My ignorance in Cooking , refusal to playing second fiddle to everyone in the house , rejection of  my in law’s shoddy treatment  was a testament to my parents poor  parenting skills .  And that reflects the sorry state of affairs in the so-called Upper Middle Class , fairly well educated , well read , widely travelled household that I married into. That my parents had raised a successful , independent ,confident individual , capable of holding her own in the world was simply a banality that was to be banished in the face of my abject failures stated above . That my interests were in books & not cosmetics , that I liked to participate & contribute to conversations ranging on politics , travel  ,with  zero interest in gossiping with maids , sleuthing on what’s going on in my society  , I was considered unladylike  . That I didn’t need to be provided for and didn’t need to consult my husband on planning my spends   & that I took pride in this was nothing short of blasphemy .

The simple expectation was  that  my focus should be on the “house”, HR skills  to be limited to managing maids , my brilliance to be limited to culinary delights …Education here clearly had failed to break through the traditional , parochial stereotype that a woman had been cast into . These families or their patriarchs are caught in a time warp , unable to strike balance between the clashing shibboleths of archaic ,shackling  traditions & modern ,progressive aspirations . The singular hope for  our women   who find themselves inextricably  tangled in this web  , is to hope for more parents like mine who dared to defy “the stereotype” and give a unisexual  upbringing to their kids both sons and daughters . For sons to shun their sense of entitlement & for daughters and daughters –in-law  to ask for more . It promises to be an arduous road to this end .There cannot  be a single template of equity  . This is unique to every single individual & the process of reaching the tipping point , smoothening the rough edges , the detailing entails a great deal of courage and pain and of course many disappointments .

I am very thankful to my parents who gave me such a greatly enabling environment with  solid belief  in me . I was too naïve  in my thinking then to believe that education is the fulcrum of  upliftment . For Tangible, material  upliftment yes , but the cultural shift even after 3 generations is still inchoate . This is not the legacy that I want to bequeath to my son . Everyday I endeavour to ensure that my son does not grow up believing that a certain aspect of his anatomy entitles him to be waited upon . And I hope that there are more mothers out there that are doing the same .

The semblance of equity is a long way off for our Society as a whole . The rigid dichotomy will continue to exist as long as we women continue to accept the Second class Status and Men believe that it is their right to be waited upon.

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5 thoughts on “The Silent Battles

  1. hello!,I love your writing so so much! percentage we be in contact more about your post on AOL? I require a specialist on this area to resolve my problem. Maybe that’s you! Having a look forward to peer you.

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  2. I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I do not know who you are but certainly you are going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already ;) Cheers!|

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  3. Hi Maam,
    Greetings!
    Came across your blog & write-ups, It was pleasure reading. (Though read couple of them.) Very well written and articulated. Apt selection of words & fluent style makes reader feel the scene. Possess all the traits of an accomplished writer. Hats-off!
    You are actually competent of deliver great works. (Hope to read some day.)
    Wish, I could write like this  (envious!!)
    All your work would be SOLD OUT if you turn professional. (pl keep copies for me…… of course I’ll pay for them!)
    Keep writing. Best wishes!

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    1. Hi Shangrila09,

      Thanks for your kind words !! Although your words do suddenly have me wanting to take up writing full time :) Maybe one day I will , who know !!! Till then l’ll at least try & blog with some more discipline ..Thanks , keep reading & letting me know what you like !!!

      Cheers !!
      Remya

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      1. Hi Maam.
        Thanks for the acknowledgement.
        “Dog walking … a career option”. Indeed this is a good option for dog lovers, who do not own one due to various reasons and still wishes to spend some time with them. I have had Buddy, Dollar, Chikki, Zulu, Dash, Monty and Tipsy till date. Alsatians / German shepherds. However, decided not to have now; firstly due to space constraints and secondly it hurts, when they depart.
        Yes ! It is a good career option for people like me who does not possess the art of massaging egos. However, for the talented one, becoming an online writing style editor can be an option and first step to take writing as full time career in future. Who knows!!
        Whenever, I write an article on jurisprudence, wish to have such editor having domain knowledge, who can assist novice writers like me by editing to make it more comprehensive, lucid & graspable.
        Just an Idea….. madam ji !!
        Cheer!!
        Vineet

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