During my Growing up years , like everyone else , I fell in love ( a couple of times J) , had my heart-broken (a couple of times L) & broke a couple of hearts( couple of times …J)… And each time , with each dalliance I was always convinced that this is it .Nothing & no one could be more perfect ..But of course love then was too fickle..
A friend is going through a divorce . And it was a shock ..They had seemed the perfect couple .Always doing the right things , saying the right things , great vacation pictures and then wham comes the divorce ..
Years of acrimony & resentment pour out , struggling to break free from the iron-like containment of the minds. Exactly like the heavy , wardrobes of teak , glossy and polished on the outside , holding the forgotten & tossed away all & sundry .
Relationships are like that . Everything looks hunky dory at first & then little by little , like the peeling away of paint & plaster , the carefully crafted exterior starts crumbling . The deep sighs ,wringing hands, the shuffling of feet , unmistakable signs of discontent and unhappiness worming their way through the fine gossamer of our lives.
The years can either smoothen out the rough edges bringing the rich patina of love to one’s life or it can singe one’s life with debilitating disappointments .
I don’t think the disintegration of a relationship ever takes one by surprise . You are always aware of the fault lines & of their widening . In the beginning one’s vision is colored with the rose-tinted hues of new love. However time tends to wear one down , the rose tinted hues slowly fade away to be taken over by the ennui of life … The story of most relationships ..
Oh But I have also seen relationships that blossom with time . The years bringing an understated touch of love .These are not the “In –Your –Face I Love you”, Head over heels”, ”Instant-coffee-variety “ Love of our generation . The sort of love that you see between your grandparents , your parents ..Like Single malt Whiskey that matures for years before it becomes classic ..Where love blossoms from the familiarity that the years bring , the strength that comes from shared sorrows and happiness ..Where one knows how exactly bad one’s breath smells in the morning , how stinky the farts are at the night ,how one likes their tea in the morning , which is the favorite side of the bed …
Relationships that withstand the onslaught of “Category -6 hurricanes” & Richter -8 scale earthquakes” and the like …Where relationships seem to exist in a permanent state of windblownness yet with roots strong enough to hold it firmly in place ..
And here I see that every day is like an adventure unfolding . The thrill of a chase , the joys of courtship & coquetry ,the much-anticipated rendezvous , the purloined glances..Aah the freshness & the novelty of Love that is still alive . I sometimes wonder If it was always like that and was it that I was oblivious to it in my growing years , or is it that after I left home they rediscovered themselves ..
Now that I am a parent myself I understand how one’s own life tends to be relegated to the sidelines when the child comes along . I even I sometimes think of my previous life & find it unbelievable that I even had that life..
I wonder If “N&I “ will have that sort of quiet , familiar Love when our kids fly the nest ..Where I can hold his hand when I am 60 and say “We have made it”…….