Forgiveness-Self Healing

I saw this video today about a holocaust victim . Her name is Eva .Eva’s family used to live in small village in Romania . When the Germans overran their area , her family was captured and sent to Auschwitz . Her family comprised of her parents , her twin sister and 3 other siblings . On their arrival they were greeted by an ongoing selection process  . her Siblings & father were the first ones to be segregated & led away to a fate unknown . Her mother held on to Eva & Miriam ( her twin sister ) . Soon another Nazi soldier came & demanded to know if Eva & Miriam were twins . When their mother asked if being twins was a good thing & the soldier replied yes , their mother was removed from there . The last image of their mother these girls remember is her holding out her hands in despair & sobbing, never to be seen again . Eva & Miriam were led away to Josef Mengel’s lab . Twins were of special interest to the “Angel of Death ” .Years of experiments & close shaves with death , they are released when Auschwitz is liberated . The years spent in the camp however continued to cast their sinister shadow on their lives as health issues dogged Miriam -legacy of the unknown experiments conducted on them .

Yet inspite of the fact that the Nazis tore apart her family , Brought untold misery and suffering to these 2 girls , irreversibly changed  life as they knew , Eva still found it in her heart to forgive them .

I think it was very brave.Forgiveness is a thing easier said than done .And for something like this , Forgiveness is huge .I have wrestled with my demons when it comes to forgiveness . And I am still trying . I have given up many times , but once in a while stories like Eva’s come along to convince me that If they could forgive unspeakable horrors like these, then surely I can forgive people for much smaller issues . I have found that the biggest obstacle to forgiveness is 1) You can’t play the victim anymore 2) Willfully , knowingly letting go of the urge to be vindictive

Some people are just naturally mean spirited , obnoxious , manipulative . Not caring two hoots about whether they have hurt you or no .When you live with such people , maintaining your sanity itself is a struggle . I have also slipped into the trap of being viciously vindictive because I wanted them to feel exactly how they made me feel . The pain , the hurt , the betrayal , all of it ..And it gave me a sense of security . That if they knew I would strike back exactly where it hurt them , they wouldn’t mess with me again.

Its true that they didn’t mess with me again . But it made me feel awful . I knew that I had betrayed my parents , their upbringing & the values that they had instilled in me with that one immature , ill-thought through act .I had let myself down and my parents . I knew then that with that one stupid act I had blurred the difference between them and me . I had sunk to their depths of being petty .

And since then I have been struggling with the idea of Forgiveness . Forgiving them & myself.Albeit Unsuccessfully .But I am going try again . For they ay , Forgiveness is not for the ones who hurt you . Its for yourself . Its to free one of the chains binding you to constant hurt and all the negative emotions tied to the experience .

Watch Eva’s video here ..

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