Do you remember me?Do you?

Do you think of me ?As often as I think of you ?Do you even think of me ?I know its been many years . Enough to erase any memories you may have had of me .But I still can’t help but wonder …If you remember me . And if you do ,what is it that you think of me ..

Do you think of the girl who sensed your despair and invited you into her home that day

Do you think of the girl who was dealing with her own demons ,yet was unafraid to let you into her heart

Do you remember the warmth of her smile

Or do you remember the girl who laughed with her head thrown back

Do you remember the girl who was hopelessly in love with you

Do you remember how she radiated pure joy

Or do you remember the hurt in her eyes when you left her broken

Of how you knocked the wind out of her and took the beauty of her soul

Of how time healed her scars but could never make her whole

Because I remember you ..

I remember how desperately unhappy you were

I remember how you tried to hold it all in that hot , humid September day

I remember how you laughed with a certain restraint

I remember your boyish charms ..

I remember our favorite songs and how your eyes would find mine

I remember the day you told me you loved me

I also remember the day you told me that you didn’t love me ..Anymore ..

When you looked away and wouldn’t meet my gaze

I remember when I reached out to you and you turned away ..

You walked away .Without a backward glance ,without a single word ..

Leaving me to wonder Why ?I thought of a hundred reasons why ,but was no wiser for the day ..

I wonder if it all meant nothing to you. What I thought was the greatest time of our lives ..

I wonder if I was just another girl to you …

The worst was not knowing why …

Its been 15 years and I don’t hurt anymore..But I am still tormented at why you walked away ..

There are those days when an old photograph , a chance conversation with an old friend opens the floodgates of memories that I keep locked away behind an iron padlock , inaccessible to anyone ..The memories fly in ,to ruffle the pages of my life and lay them open where a dried , old rose rests .

I remind myself it does not do to dwell on half-truths and what was not meant to be .But I know ,that these memories will continue to haunt me from time to time …Till the time you tell me “Why” …..

 

Photo by Björn Grochla on Unsplash